FREQUENT QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS

Sex Addictions - Spacer

By Synthia Esther

Synthia EstherIN YOUR OPINION, “HOW MANY CATHARTIC EVENTS DOES IT TAKE IN A PERSON'S LIFE BEFORE THEY DESIRE A DRASTIC CHANGE OF FOCUS AND SPIRITUAL INTENTION?”

I personally believe the answer to that question God only knows.  But I do know this, “The Lord upholds all those who fall and lifts up all who are bowed down” (Psalm 145:14). I have had three emotionally charged, profound events in my life that produced drastic cathartic change.  The first cathartic event in my life God hasn't given me a spiritual release to discuss.

The second of which was my brothers tragic death (reference story,” Died On The Fourth Of July”), and the third  event is presented as "Foolish Pleasure- The Love Story Of A Sex Addict, His Betrayal And Crime”. My brother's death taught me life is too short to live in abuse, emotional rape, misery, sorrow and regret, and to always be true to your souls spiritual growth by  not sacrificing your inner peace for security.  God does not condone abuse!

Shortly after my brother died I proceeded with a divorce from an emotionally and physically abusive ex-husband who used  deception, manipulation, power and control to his vindictive advantage. Divorce proved to incur a different set of problems as I faced “Parental Alienation” and  financial difficulties.  Despite on-going difficulties, ridding myself of the once nurtured “victim mentality” has proved to be the greatest self-discovery of personal strength and happiness I have ever made. 

At the end of our journey on earth we alone are  held responsible for our actions and choices in life.  My affirmative action also speaks volumes to all those whom my life comes in contact with, declaring willful abuse is not to be tolerated under any circumstances and it is not God's will or your cross to carry for one individual to harm another.

My brother's tragic death produced a profound “awakening” within my life.  It also prompted within my soul and spirit the firm belief that life truly is a gift from God.  What we do with that gift is returned to God  the generous and gracious giver, in loving thanks for His mercy, grace and love.  God in His faithful sovereignty can change your life from remaining a  “victim” to becoming a  “victor”.

DON'T ALLOW YOUR PAST TO DICTATE YOUR FURTURE

Ryan taught me that a child's soul is influenced for life, for better or worst, by the parents who raised him.  Family dysfunction remains intact until someone has the courage and spiritual strength to change it.  In Ryan's case, his emotional pain and sorrow was caused by his parents lack of  acknowledged and demonstrated love, affirmation and positive attention. Ryan suffers from childhood  attachment bonds only God can heal.  In turn, he continues to allow his past to dictate his future.  His smile is the mask that hides his hate, resentment, bitterness, and anger.

Due to experiencing Ryan's emotional struggle with sexual addiction, and his psychological fear of abandonment and intimacy, I realized that “we are the sum total of our circumstances and experiences in life (motives), unless we realize the spiritual significance behind the sum total of our life circumstances and experiences (growth)”.  These were my sentiments when writing the God inspired short story, “My Sacred Journey Home” as well as the article  “The Secret Law Of Attraction – A False Reality Of A Conceptual Manner”.  As Christians we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28).

WE HAVE TWO CHOICES IN LIFE: “TO DEAL”  OR  “TO DWELL”

We can allow our past to control and dictate our future or we can learn from our past and allow it to refine us.  Our personal choices in life determine our trials and our triumphs.  Those who have gone through the trial triumphantly, are often better able to empathize with those who are in the midst of a trial.  It is my prayer that humanity will see the harm of their self-imposed actions when contributing to the negativity and evil within the world.  Abortion is murder, and if you don't think it is a baby than your not pregnant! Addiction, abuse and crime go together. 

CO-DEPENDENCY,  A NEGATIVE COPING SKILL

Addiction and tolerance of abuse and dysfunction depletes the soul and spirit of a person, depriving them of spiritual growth and maturity. If you are a co-dependency addict,  allowing such negative coping skills within your life and using them yourself, feeds those around you (including your children), with positive affirmation that they work. Thus, you are not only hurting yourself, you are depriving the people  you love and care for the opportunity to grow past self-limiting coping skills and achievement of their spiritual destiny!  One cannot separate the action from the cause, and no one except God can complete you.

As a result of having been involved with Ryan, I am now a sexual ethicist, not against sex at all, in fact I love sex the way God created it to be. Sexual relations outside of  the love and ordinances of God  is harmful to ones sense of wholeness, spiritual growth, development, divine intimacy, and loving expression.  Sexual intimacy the way God intended it to be is Holy, God  inspired (he created sex), and ordained.  The closer I have gotten to God and His word of truth, the Bible, the more empowered, intuitive and spiritually creative I have become in all areas of my life, including my writing. 


“WHAT ADVICE CAN YOU GIVE PEOPLE WHO HAVE GONE THROUGH A TROUBLING CHILDHOOD, OR AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP?”

Forgiveness is the key to inner healing (reference article, “Forgiving Their Trespasses”). Ephesians 4:32,  “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God  forgave you.” Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love  (1st John 4:8).  Forgiveness allows you to move forward in life with the firm resolve of not committing the same harm against another.  Forgiveness is a positive spiritual solution to a negative situation.  In order for history to not repeat itself you have to change the course of history. Forgiveness does not mean the person that harmed you has to be a part of your life, on the contrary, it releases the negative control they may still maintain on your life!

Colossians 3:12-15,  “Therefore, as God's chosen people, Holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.  (13)  Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another.  Forgive as the Lord forgave you.  (14)  And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. (15)  Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace.  And be thankful.”


“WHAT MOTIVATED YOU TO PROVIDE ALL YOU HAVE WRITTEN, SAID, AND DONE FOR FREE?”

When I was searching for answers on the Internet pertaining to “pornography and sex addiction”, and the physical and psychological manifestations I witnessed Ryan going through, I found every single Internet source was a gimmick for financial advancement.  There were professional counselors offering seminars, retreats, and services for hire.  Books to buy, guide and work books to follow, classes to attend, CD's and DVD's to purchase, including those that included subliminal affirmations.  I found new age/hypnosis transformation tools with development keys to unlocking the conscious, unconscious, or sub-conscious mind. 
While some of these tools may be extremely beneficial, (most especially professional therapy), not everyone can afford them.  It is my personal opinion, with out God's spiritual intervention and strength no addiction resource will work in the long term (Philippians 4:13). Immediate “free” resources via the Internet, with first hand examples, stories and personal references, were often brief testimonies at best, with personal resolves limited in text, support and guidance, unless you purchased their product's. God 's Holy Spirit prompted me to write and provide for “free”, what I couldn't find readily available on the Internet.  If anything I have said, written, or conveyed has been beneficial, thank-God for the source and inspiration, for it is the root that supports the tree, not the tree supporting the root (Romans 11:18).

There are many free 12 step programs marketed and available for pornography and sex addicts,  however, I found the 12 step programs (which are usually aimed towards helping addicts and their families with chemical addiction's), inadequate in relation to sex addiction.  In the many personal interviews I have conducted and letter's I have received,  many sex addicts claim they usually like to go to pornography and sex addition self help support programs because they get a sexual high (both physically and psychologically), when they are able to talk about sex! 

In fact, sex addicts talking about their sexual experiences can trigger other sex addicts to act out even more.  An alcoholic can leave their vodka or beer at home, a sex addict carries their addiction “release source” with them, as it is part of their physical body.  There are also very few sexual addicts that have remained faithful in their resolve to cease their acting out.  Their addiction to fantasy and masturbation continues to anchor and fuel the flames of their sexual obsessions.  With world wide access to pornography on the Internet, sex addictive patterns of rape and crime continue to escalate.

JESUS CHRIST CAN HELP YOU...

Most all of these Internet products, and/or person's offering such help and advice were out to make money, lots and lots of money.  At one of my lowest point's of grief someone was there offering a hand, a way out, or they were promising to rid my “ex” of his troubling sexual addiction's, all for a fee.  I have spent well over two thousand dollars on sex and psychology related research books in search of answers. The most informative books in my personal opinion, are referenced in my stories and/or articles. 

I also met many, many, women and men, who simply didn't have the time to read  “all” the current research, nor could they afford expensive retreats and seminars promising to rid them or their spouse of their sexual obsessive-compulsive or co-dependency addiction's.  An addicts addiction rituals and manifestations may subside for a while, just like an illness can go into remission.  But no one except Jesus Christ can help you “keep the addiction that binds you” dormant.  He alone is your deliverer, your strength, shield, and your fortress (Psalm 144:2)..

“IT HAS ALL BEEN DONE BY FAITH”

The Holy Spirit is often referred to in the Bible as the counselor and/or helper (John 14:16-17), and it is in that spirit of giving that this free help has been provided.  Therefore, I believe it will be God who will send in the people, and the funding to support and pay for this ministry.  In short, it has all been done by faith.  Faith in people, faith in service, and most importantly, faith in God.  If you would like additional information on how you can become an integral part of our world missions and outreach please click here.

MY  PRAYER
It is my prayer that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know Him better.  I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which He has called you, the riches of His glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe (Ephesians 1: 17-19).

SUPPORT AND DONATIONS:

We are a self-supporting Global outreach with "9" outreach websites: www.synthiaesther.com, www.synthiasex.com, www.sexhisway.com, www.powersexxxx.com, www. www.sacredpursuit.com, www.sacredpursuit.org (occult, new age, 11:11 deceptions), www.synthiaesther.net, www.xxxhisway.com, www.concernedsingleamericans.com. If you would like to become a part of our International ministry for Jesus Chrsit, helping to reach the lost and set the captive free, we invite you to donate to our spiritual cause via Paypal. A safe and secure method of payment for all your Internet transactions.

Sex Addictions - Spacer