WILL YOU LET ME TOUCH YOU?
By Synthia Esther
Mr. Jones, a tall, gaunt, thin rather emaciated man with a ruddy and pitted complexion, was my science and math teacher in Jr. High. In science class he would often have me write out his lesson plan for the day on the large black chalk board in front of the class. Now I know he only wanted to intensively watch me.
Mr. Jones occasionally noticed and complimented me when I wore a new outfit, showed genuine care, concern, and attention over my school work, and often smiled at me as I sat in a front row seat during class. I would smile back and then proceed with my school work. Sometimes Mr. Jones would walk up and down the rows of students, often touching my shoulder questioning, “You doing alright?”
Mr. Jone's wife, a very attractive women, was also a teacher employed at a different school. One day during a test I was called by Mr. Jones to his large wooden desk which was situated in front and to the left of the class room. As the rest of the class was quietly studying and answering their test questions, Mr. Jones had me read a note which he had personally hand printed.
The note included a series of questions. Beside each question he had drawn a box with the word yes beside it, and a box with the word no beside it. He then instructed me to read the note and mark a yes or no for each question. When I tried to pick up the note in order to better read his instructions, he adamantly held it in place with his left hand not wanting me to move it from his desk top.
The questions read: Your grade in math could be better, do you want to do well in math? I marked yes. Do you want me to help you do well in math? Again I marked yes. Are you willing to do extra work to do well? Once again I marked yes. Will you stay after school for me to privately tutor you in math? I marked no. At this point I started to verbally explain that I would not have a ride home if I stayed after school. Mr. Jones immediately took the note away, instructed me to be quiet, sit down and finish the rest of my test. At such a young age, I willingly obeyed, though not understanding his abrupt response.
I soon learned this was not the last of Mr. Jone's meticulously hand printed notes. I had been sick, missing two days of school. Upon my return I was told by Mr. Jones I could make up the test I subsequently missed during my study hall time period. This day I was instructed to sit in the back of the room, in the last chair in the first row. Ironically Mr. Jones was seated in his high lecturing stool in the very back of the room.
Once again we students were intent on answering test questions. Once again I was called by Mr. Jones to read a note. Once again he held the note with his left hand, had it positioned on a hard surface and instructed me to mark my yes or no answers. When I got to the third or forth question it read: I don't want to hurt you. I only want to touch you. Will you let me touch you?
When I read that question I franticly tried to grab the note to no avail. Looking straight into his dark piercing eyes which were framed by gold rimmed glasses, I saw intense anger, shock and rage. A scuffle took place as I tore a tiny piece of the note and ran out of the class room. I ran and ran, always looking back in inconsolable fear to see if he was following me. Down the long corridors and into the principles room I ran.
My heart racing with thoughts I had never imagined before and a gripping fear I had never experienced. Out of breath and fighting back tearful emotions I asked the school secretary, “ I need to see the principle.” She replied, “What do you need to see the school principle about? Maybe I can help you.” I answered, “I will only tell the school principle, I need to see him...its very important and I need to see him!”
I walked into the principles office and was instructed to sit in a large chair. At which time, between tears of anguish I proceeded to tell him what had happened. I had to finish my classes that day and every day of the rest of that school year in fear. Mr. Jones proceeded to claim my story was fabricated. His reasoning, “She is mad because I gave her a 'D' in math class.”
Obviously Mr. Jones didn't know me or my parents very well. My parents are not perfectionist, the “D” would have been acknowledge and I would have simply been encouraged to do better. My mother, now retired, was once a well respected school teacher. She had a gift for motivating her students to excel.
Never being prone to exaggerate or fabricate such a lie, my parents of course believed me, my mother speaking to the principle that very day because my father was out of town. What made the situation even more difficult was Mr. Jones is black and I am white. The school officials did not want to contend with racial issues. National attention to the Jena Louisiana six school story (September 2007), between white and black students proves we as a nation need to work towards unity not division. Most all Americans will agree that child molestation is a crime.
The entire incident was hushed in that we were told it was Mr. Jone's word against mine. Feeling tremendous anxiety and shame I didn't want to talk about what happened, nor did I want anyone in school to know. After the year came to a close, Mr. Jones was no longer employed at that Jr. High School.
Years latter, in my first day of college I walked into a class room and once again faced my fears, surprised to learn Mr. Jones was employed as a freshman college counselor. Upon completing his freshman orientation speech, we began to exit the room as Mr. Jones called me over to talk with him. I obliged standing at a distance as he diplomatically stated: “I hope we can put the past behind us.” I smugly answered “sure” and walked out.
Because of Mr. Jones attempts to try to sexually seduce and molest me, I have a severe mental block when faced with math problems, and have never gone beyond a middle school education in math. To this day I still have flash backs of my innocence being mistaken as consent by a sexually perverted “adult” mind.
Mr. Jones fed his thought process with the ludicrous idea that a young, vivacious and innocent child wanted him sexually. His fantasies were delusional. His thought processes faulty and dysfunctional. Yet, Mr. Jones the doting father, loving husband, and caring teacher is not alone in his perversion or his secret double life of sin and deception.
SEXUAL ORIENTATION TOWARDS CHILDREN
According to news reports, an Assistant U.S. Attorney based in Pensacola, Florida, John David R. Atchison, 53, traveled to Michigan, flying more than 1000 miles, to have sex with a five year old girl. Court documents reveal Atchison initiated contact in online chat - August 29, 2007. Describing himself as a family man he was president of a youth sports association in Gulf Breeze and his wife is a science teacher at Gulf Breeze High School.
John Atchison was charged with enticement of a minor to engage in sexual activity having made contact with a detective working undercover for the MaComb County Sheriff's department. The undercover detective asked how Atchison can be certain of no injury. He responded “Just gotta go slow and very easy. I've done it plenty” according to detectives. Atchison was arrested at the Detroit Metropolitan Airport on September 16, 2007, with presents for his intended victim, and a jar of petroleum jelly in his possession. On October 5, 2007, Atchison committed suicide in his prison cell.
PROTECTING THE CHILDREN
We think we are protecting our children from dangerous psychotic manics that show signs of mental illness. The drifter with a mood disorder, the homeless man who hasn't shaved or bathed in over a year. The delusional schizophrenic who talks to their invisible friend from another planet, or the crack addict begging for money. But what about the male or female adult who appears to be well adjusted, competent, and docile?
Psychological definitions speak volumes in describing the lack of mental clarity among individuals with infant and child sexual obsessive/compulsive paraphilias. Some pedophiles are satisfied for a time by child pornography (Linz & Imrich, 2001), while others are obsessed with actually watching, fondling, or engaging in sexual intercourse with children (Howitt, 1995). Other pedophiles are attracted only to children; while others are attracted to adults as well (APA, 2000, 1994).
Usually the pedophiles sexual disorder develops during adolescence: Ephehophilia (older individuals attracted to adolescents), Infantophilia or Nepiophilia (older individuals attracted to small children ages 0-5 years), and Pedophilia (almost always male individuals who are attracted to prepubescent youths usually 13 years old or younger).
There is evidence that some pedophiles have been sexually abused as children, many have been neglected, excessively punished, or deprived of genuinely close relationships during their childhood (Sawite & Kear, 2001; Berlin, 2000' Hewitt, 1995). Many pedophiles are married, have sexual difficulties or other stresses in life that lead them to seek an area which they can control and be masters. Most often they are immature, have social and sexual skills that are underdeveloped, and normal sexual relationships fill them with anxiety (Doctor & Neff, 2001).
Studies have found that most men with this disorder also display at least one additional psychological disorder such as an anxiety or mood disorder, substance-related disorder, another paraphilia, sexual dysfunction, impulse-control disorder, or personality disorder (Cohen & Galynker, 2002; Cohen et al., 2002; Raymond et al., 1999).
Child pornography (illegal under Federal law in all 50 U.S. States), is said by many researchers and law enforcement officials, to be increasing due to increased Internet usage. The U.S. Department of Justice (USDoJ), has responded by funding the “National Center for Missing and Exploited Children's” cyber tipline, www.cybertipline.com , acting as the national clearinghouse for reports of Internet related child pornography and other Internet sex crimes committed against children.
People who have these psycosexual child or infant mental illness paraphilias can be your child's teacher, preacher, sport coach, youth leader, neighbor, uncle, boyfriend, husband, step father, grandfather, judge, political leader, or friend. They may appear to be caring, normal, educated, often professional, clean cut individuals, yet live a delusional double life filled with faulty thinking, evil thoughts and intentions.
These individuals commonly explain their sexual activities with excuses or rationalizations that the activities have educational value. They may also claim the child was provocative, wanted and enjoyed the sexual activity. Even after intensive treatment, the course of these types of sexual mental illness disorders is usually chronic and lifelong in patients, according to the DSM-IV.
- The National Alert Registry – Registered offenders list claims 4% of the population suffers from sexual orientation towards children.
- The National Alert Registry – Registered offenders list: Pedophilia runs in families. Boys who were molested often molest boys.
- The National Center for Victims of Crime; “The chance that your child will become a victim of a sex offender is 1 in 3 for girls and 1 in 6 for boys.”
RESEARCHING CHILD PREDATORS
I took the time to research both sides (personal and medical), of the pedophiles thought processes. According to psychologist, therapist, boylove and girllove websites, blogs, forums, chats, messages boards, the boylove manifesto and the North American Man/Boy Love Association (NABLA), I realize that most pedophile sex addicts have obsessive and deviant fantasies. If they act upon their fantasies many will patiently groom, mentor, and lure their human victims.
Often in their ideological sexual desires the pedophile concludes in their mind that their lust is “love.” True love is not self seeking. Nor does it prey on the innocent. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres (1st Corinthians 13:4-7).
Mr. Jones lusted and wanted my young body to have and explore sexually. His desires caused me as a child to fear him. Fear is the opposite of love. Perfect love cast out fear. I am blessed and thankful I received healthy love not only from God, my heavenly Father, but also from my parents. Many abused, neglected, and abandoned children never received the love and affection they longed for.
These are the children that are most vulnerable to the lustful desires of a world of people who seek to use and abuse their innocence. Once abused, they too can grow to become lustful child predators as the cycle of sexual abuse continues. Psychology Today: “Behavioral learning models suggest that a child who is the victim or observer of inappropriate sexual behaviors learns to imitate and is later reinforced for the behavior.”
YOUNG BROTHERS DEREK AND ALEX KING
I have also reviewed the accounts of young brothers Derek and Alex King, (Pensacola, Florida - Escambia County), who bludgeoned their father, Terry King, with an aluminum baseball bat as he slept in a living room recliner. Ricky Chavis, 41, was accused of a cover up in washing blood off of the boys clothes and hiding them in his mobile home for nearly two days after the killing. Chavis was also charged for having sex with Alex King, when he was 12, in the months before he and his brother, Derek, killed their father on November 26, 2001.
I cite their case only to bring to light what is obviously true. Pedophiles desire intergenerational relationships and many prey on innocent, often troubled children to make their deviant sexual fantasies come true. Always seeking to affirm their trust, the pedophile takes advantage of the child's vulnerability.
“Non-coerced sex is a misnomer” - Gerard van den Aardweg
Dutch psychologist Gerard van den Aardweg confirms, “Non-coerced sex is a misnomer because there is always an element of coercion involving a misuse of adult authority, and a misuse of the child's need for affection. If a researcher sees no harm, it maybe because their using the wrong glasses, not because there is nothing to see.” He goes onto contend, “Even adult-child sex which is mutually enjoyed, is always an intrinsic injustice to the integrity of the person” (van den Aardweg, Gerard, The Netherlands private correspondence to NARTH, October 26, 1998).
DR. DAVID FINKELHOR'S RESERCH
Dr. David Finkelhor, a leading U.S. Researcher in the field of child sexual abuse, similarly disputes the conclusions of pedophile advocates. He describes some of the consequences of seduction :
- Confusion about sexual identity and sexual norms
- Inability to differentiate sexual identity and sexual norms
- Confusion between care getting and care giving, with lowered respect for adult authority
- Guilt, shame, anxiety
- Lowered self esteem
- Vulnerability to drug and alcohol abuse
- Impaired ability to judge the trust worthiness of others
- Age – inappropriate sexual knowledge
- Sex acts sometimes recreated with other children
Finkelhor, David, et al (1986), A Source Book On Child Sexual Abuse, Newbury Park, CA.: Sage Productions.
SEX VICTIMS END UP AS TROUBLED ADULTS
Victims of sexual abuse also appear to be at higher risk for suicide, Beitchrnan, J., Zuckler, K, Hood, H., Dacosta, G., Akman, Gerard. D. (1991), A Review of the Short-Term Effects of Child Sexual Abuse. Child Abuse and Neglect 15:537-556. Victims often engage in repeated sexual abuse in adulthood, in order to gain a feeling of psychological mastery over the experience, Rekers, George (1995), Handbook of Child and Adolescent Sexual Problems, New York: Lexington Books.
SEX ACTS RECREATED WITH OTHER CHILDREN
September 26, 2007, Atlanta, Ga. 6:00 pm news: Jennifer Hubbard walked into the room and caught her son's 13 year old best friend (who lived only a few houses down), with one hand over her 6 year old daughters mouth and the other hand holding her wrist. The boy's pants were undone and down. This was the boy's fifth child molestation.
THE BOYLOVE MANIFESTO
The Boylove Manifesto “demands” the freedom of individual sexuality for boys and for boylovers. The Boylove Manifesto also “demands” that any medical, psychological or religious notions which are preconceived against child sexuality, be exempted from a discussion about new sexual standards. The Internet has been the worldwide linking factor for pedophiles who share common goals and perverted sexual interest.
Distorted thinking is profoundly obvious, yet remains oblivious to those within the boylove forum groups. I am reminded of the “blind mind” mentality referred to within the Bible. Jesus stated in Matthew 15:14, “If a blind man leads a blind man, both will fall into a pit.” Romans 1:21, “For although they knew God, they neither glorified Him as God nor gave thanks to Him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened.”
Ephesians 4:18-19, “They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. (19) Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, with a continual lust for more.”
Unhealthy preoccupation with sex is not just seen among pedophiles. It is a global problem effecting the entire human race. Women, men, infants, children, teens, and animals are suffering due to darkened understanding, lust, and sexual gratification.
Pornography on the Internet, television shows and commercial ads, magazines, videos, music and lyrics all sell sex. The more sexual the content, the more revenue it generates. With children being sexually exploited in exchange for higher ratings.
KEEPING UP WITH THE KARDASHIANS
During the 2007 fall line-up the television reality show - “Keeping Up With The Kardashians” showed young sisters Kylie, 9, and Kendall, 11, mixing alcoholic drinks. In another episode the young girls were shown mimicking creator Joe Francis's “Girls Gone Wild” moves.
Kylie's exhibitionism on a stripper pole in her parents bedroom was deemed inappropriate by Dad (Olympic medalist Bruce Jenner). Yet the scene wasn't cut, and the show went on. And the world watches in shock as more and more children go missing?
SENATE TESTIMONY OF DR. JUDITH REISMAN
Judith Reisman, Ph.D., President of The Institute For Media Education, specializing in the communication effects of images on the brain, mind and memory: “Thanks to the latest advances in neuroscience, we now know that pornographic visual images imprint and alter the brain, triggering an instant, involuntary, but lasting, biochemical memory trail arguably, subventing the First Amendment by over riding the cognitive speech process. This is true of so called 'soft core' and hard core' pornography. And once new neurochemical pathways are established they are difficult or impossible to delete.”
When asked how does this 'brain sabotage' occur ? Reisman states, “Brain scientists tell us that in '3/10' of a second a visual image passes from the eye through the brain, and whether or not one wants to, the brain is structurally changed and memories are created – we literally grow new brain with each visual experience.”
CHRISTIAN BOYLOVE FORUM?
One of the most shocking revelations pertaining to my research into pedophilia Internet activity was found at the “Christian Boylove Forum” - (cblf). In the name of our Holy Father God so called 'Christian pedophiles' share their feelings, desires, sexual dreams and fantasies. What is obvious in most all the written posts is the unhealthy adult preoccupation and obsession with young boys and sex.
The boylove Christian forum claims it is a place for “mutual encouragement, support, and advice, as we seek to deal with our sexuality and society's reaction to it in responsible and healthy ways to live out our lives with integrity and to express our faith in a way that honors God and demonstrates the love of Jesus Christ to all people.”
Here are a few examples posted on the Christian Boylove Forum appearing exactly as written:
9/24/2007 – 09:41:45 Monday (The following is written by “Cat”)
So here it is...
My wife and I tried having a sexual encounter the other night...ummm...very stressful.
After 20 years of sex with boy fantasy I'm finding it VERY difficult/impossible to do without it.
Cat goes on to write in this post his wife states he needs healing. He continues to disclose a dream about having sex with a young boy. What is most obvious about Cat is that sex with his wife is very stressful, and his admission to 20 years of boy fantasy sex. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out Cat is a “fixated type” pedophile-sex addict, who is attracted and consumed with having sex with little boys.
- How did he become a boylove sex addict? For years he fed his mind's pet “piggy” it's favorite fantasy food (sex with little boys). Reference article, “Don't Feed The Pig, He Could End Up As Big As Hogzilla” by Synthia Esther. James 1:14-16, “but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. (15) Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death. Don't be deceived, my dear brothers.”
- Why did he become a boylove sex addict? Past wounds, lack of attachment bonds, physical and/or psychological abuse, neglect, exploitation, lack of love or attention, abandonment, the list is long and only Cat and God truly know what seared his heart, mind, and soul.
- How to overcome the addiction? Starve the pet pig of his favorite food. Accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, and feed your heart, mind, and soul with the word of God. Romans 4:12-13, “For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thought and attitudes of the heart. (13) Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.” Become proactive; pray for wisdom and guidance from God and seek out a professional therapist who specializes in sexual disorders to help you sort through your problems, past abuse, emotional trauma, pain and sorrow.
- How long will it take to get rid of Hogzilla the pet pig? Most likely, the rest of your life on earth.
- Why so long? Over the years Hogzilla rarely missed a feeding as his sexual appetite continued to grow. He is a very big, strong pig. Even after you starve him to death you never forget he existed. Therefore, when stress, anxiety, hardship, anger, depression, etc... happens in life, you will always be tempted to call out, “here piggy, piggy, piggy...” This process is referred to in the Bible as temptation. We are told to demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ (2nd Corinthians 10:5). “I the Lord search the heart and examine the mind...”(Jeremiah 17:10). Yielding to sin and temptation begins in the mind. Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins (James 4:17).
ADDITIONAL SEXUAL ADDICTION READING RESOURCES
- Foolish Pleasure, The Love Story Of A Sex Addict, His Betrayal And Crime
- Mental Health And Addiction
- Addiction Definition and Hypothesis (Includes information on Biblical generational blessings and curses)
- Internet Pornography, Child Exploitation And Crime
- Don't Feed The Pig, He Could End Up As Big As Hogzilla
- Bestiality And Zoophilia
- Dear Addict
- Surrendering To God's Plan
9/26/2007 – 23:00:55 Wednesday (written exactly as posted by Cat)
So here is what I am finding.
I have kinda stopped having sex with my wife...cause I can't do that without thinking about boys and neither of us want that.
I'm trying to avoid masturbation. The theory I'm trying on is...if I can't have sex with my wife then I go without. I seem to be able to go for a few weeks then I give in...but its usually over very quickly with very little fantasy and not really enjoyable...but it releases the pressure. I seem to be fairly successful in not daydreaming about boy sex...though I think about sex allot. I just don't go into developed fantasy scenarios. Now this would be ok for me living like this, except for the dreams I start having at night.
I end up having VERY graphic sex dreams about boys...things I would NEVER choose to fantasize about. I dream about forcing boys...or about sexing up boys I know in real life. These dreams are very stressful. I'm wondering if with time I can starve out the dreams. But what if they continue?
There is a boy I know and like very much and I worked hard to make sure my conscious thoughts about him are always appropriate and non-sexual. Then he appears in my dream and I'm forcing him to have sex. Then he is all upset with me (Gag) That was just terrible! I don't want dreams like these!
I never had these kind of dreams when I was fantasy-wanking. The ideal path in my mind would be to have a sexual relationship with my wife without fantasy. We are going to a counselor soon to try and explore ways to make that happen. But if I can't succeed at that, then what?
Is it better to control my sexual thoughts by choosing what I fantasize about during wanking...or should I just accept these out of control dreams?
Of course I still wonder if what I'm thinking about during the day is adding to my dreams. That seems totally relevant. But I think about how horrible it would be to force a boy...then I dream of doing it. It's like the dreams reflect what I don't want. Then of course when I see a boy in real life I've just dreamed of having a wild sexual encounter with...it definitely effects the way I look at him. The dream puts thought temptation there that otherwise I wouldn't entertain.
What should I do?
Another post submitted by Clive Staples Lewis (CSL), 7/16/2007. 13:01:32 – Monday: (appearing exactly as posted)
OMG Boy Moment!
I just spent the whole week-end camping and cuddling 2 beautiful boys I had never met before! By the end of the weekend, when we were packing everything to leave, the boys climbed into my truck and stated they were going to stow away and come home with me.
“A” (7) was mostly just a little boy competing with “N” (11) his uncle. But N was something else. He ended up sitting in my lap Friday because there had been a chain of seat stealing and he ended up the odd man out, and he threatened to sit on someone...so I volunteered. That became his standard seat for the rest of the week end, much to my delight! He later asked if I liked hugs (silly question from a curly-haired blond 11 y/o with such blue eyes I could just have stared into them for hours. Wearing only a medieval tunic and boxers) and he told me he does too, and proceeded to hug me very tight for a very long time, and often after that. A was not nearly as mature, but he was certainly a delightful bundle of energy and curiosity. And to top it all off the group we were all with has such events nationwide and all year long, so we have every reason to expect this new friendship to last for a longtime. I may have just made 2 new YF's!
DECEPTION, DISTORTION, AND SHAME!
Besides the obvious sexual conceptualization of children, CSL signs his post “In Christ,” and Cat signs his post with “Blessings.” What does Jesus Christ have to do with the obsessive compulsive sexual ramblings of a pedophile? Everything... Jesus Christ gave His life as a sacrificial lamb on Calvary's cross so that all of humanity could be redeemed from their sins, including the pedophile (John 3:16).
Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame (Hebrews 12:2). Acts 10:34-35, Then Peter began to speak: “I now realize how true it is that God does not show favoritism (35) but accepts men from every nation who fear Him and do what is right.”
Genesis 6:5-6, “The Lord saw how great man's wickedness on the earth had become, and that every inclination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil all the time. The Lord was grieved that He had made man on the earth, and His heart was filled with pain.”
Many pedophiles have argued that God never mentioned intergenerational relationships with children as sin. Many are also keen on protecting their fragile personalities from the effects of shame and criticism. 2nd Corinthians 4:2, “Rather, we have renounced secret and shameful ways; we do not use deception, nor do we distort the word of God. On the contrary, by setting forth the truth plainly we commend ourselves to every man's conscience in the sight of God.”
GOD'S WORD PLAINLY SPEAKS HIS WILL
The Lord God created Adam and said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him” (Genesis 2:18). Notice God did not make another man or a child as a suitable mate for Adam. Nor did He command Adam to have sex with the animals and multiply. He made Eve, a woman, calling her a suitable helper for man. This was God's will and plan. To deliberately go against God's will is sin.
SHAME IS THE RESULT OF SIN
Genesis 2:25, “The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.” Adam and Eve felt shame when they deliberately went against God's will, eating from the forbidden tree of knowledge of good and evil (Genesis 3:1-13). Then they realized they were naked and sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.
Shame is the result of sin. Shame can lead us to repentance or lead us further away from God. Jeremiah 6:15, “Are they ashamed of their loathsome conduct? No, they have no shame at all; they do not even know how to blush. So they will fall among the fallen; they will be brought down when I punish them, says the Lord.”
THE HOLY SPIRIT CONVICTS US
John 16:7-8, “But I tell you the truth: It is for your good that I am going away. Unless I go, the counselor will not come to you; but if I go, I will send Him to you. (8) When He comes, He will convict the world of guilt in regard to sin and righteousness and judgment:...” Proverbs 18:3, “When wickedness comes, so does contempt, and with shame comes disgrace.”
When we are convicted by the Holy Spirit our attitude is one of humility realizing the price that Jesus Christ paid as the sacrificial lamb on Calvary's cross. It was a sin debt He didn't owe – He who was without sin, bore the sin of many, and made intercession for the transgressors” (Isaiah 53:3-12). Ezra 9:6, “O my God, I am too ashamed and disgraced to lift up my face to you, my God, because our sins are higher than our heads and our guilt has reached to the heavens.”
No one whose hope is in the Lord will ever be put to shame, but they will be put to shame who are treacherous without excuse (Psalm 25:3; Romans 10:11). Our prayer should be: Psalm 26, “Guard my life and rescue me; let me not be put to shame, for I take refuge in you. May integrity and uprightness protect me, because my hope is in you.”
HOW THE HOLY SPIRIT WORKS WITHIN OUR LIVES
The Holy Spirit sends anointed people of God to warn you to follow His words of instruction, the Holy Bible. Acts 13: 9-10, “Then Saul, who was also called Paul, filled with the Holy Spirit, looked straight at Elymas and said, (10) “You are a child of the devil and an enemy of everything that is right! You are full of all kinds of deceit and trickery. Will you never stop perverting the right ways of the Lord?”
Ephesians 5:5-6, “For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person – such a man is an idolater – has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God. (6) Let no man deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God's wrath comes on those who are disobedient.” Ephesians 5:11, “Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. (12) For it is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret.”
The power of God's Holy Spirit works signs and miracles (Romans 15:19). The fact that you are reading the words I have written has been orchestrated by God through the power of His Holy Spirit. Likewise Satan seeks to orchestrate your life for his evil purpose and plan. Ephesians 6:12, “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.”
CAT ASKED: “WHAT SHOULD I DO?”
Psalm 55:2, “My thoughts trouble me and I am distraught”
Ephesians 5:1-2, “Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children (2) and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave Himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” Jesus said, “Pray that you will not fall into temptation” (Luke 22:40-46).
Far removed from the obsessions of earthy goods, deeds, acts, people, places and things, we as Christian's should seek to live in spiritual light and truth. Just as Jesus Christ walked and lived according to the light of the Holy Spirit. Therefore we offer our bodies to Him as living sacrifices (Romans 12:1). We do not confirm to the world's patterns and methods. Instead we live to please God, by renewing our minds with His word. Then we are able to test and approve God's perfect will (Romans 12:2).
We are to count ourself dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus, letting no sin reign in our mortal body so that we obey its evil desires. We do not offer the parts of our body to sin, as instruments of wickedness, but rather we offer ourselves to God, as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer the parts of our body to Him as instruments of righteousness” (Romans 6:11-13). Proverbs 3:7. “Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil.”
STOP THE FANTASIES, CONTROL THE THOUGHTS...
“If I had never gone into the sexual fantasies, really off the deep end, I'd never became what I was”- Dennis Rader/BTK
“SECRET CONFESSIONS OF BTK”- DATELINE NBC
(NBC – Released exerts from the taped interview aired on August 12, 2005)
Josephine Otero, 11, was discovered hanging by her neck from a pipe, she was partially nude, dressed only in her sweat shirt and socks, and she had been gaged. According to Capt. Paul Dotson, of the Wichita Police Department, semen was found through out the house, and it appeared as though the killer masturbated on some of the victims. Dennis Rader was convicted of the crime. Josephine Otero and three other members of her family where killed by Dennis Rader. Where the mind goes, the person follows...
The Child Molesters: Clinical Observations Part III
By A. Nicholas Groth, PhD, William F. Hobson, MS, Thomas S. Gary, MEd
Developed after a 1985 training institute: “The Incest Offender, The Victim, The Family”: New Treatment Approaches by The Mental Health Association (MHA).
These tables give the typology of a child molester. Synthia's note: This is a partial list.
Primary sexual orientation is to children. Pedophilic interests begin at adolescence. Male victims are primary targets. Little or no sexual contact initiated with age mates; offender is usually single or in a marriage of convenience. Characterological immaturity; poor socio-sexual peer relationships. Offense = Maladaptive resolutions of life development (maturation issues).
Primary sexual orientation is to age mates. Pedophilic interests emerge in adulthood. Involvements may be more episodic and may wax and wane with stress. Female victims are primary targets. Sexual contact with a child co-exist with sexual contact with age mates; offender is usually married or common-law. More traditional lifestyle but under developed peer relationships. Offense = Maladaptive attempt to cope with specific life stresses.
Dennis Rader and Mr. Jones show obvious signs of the “regressed type” child molester.
DENNIS RADER'S SEXUAL FANTASIES AND DREAMS
(Spelling and grammatical mistakes are Rader's)
- “If I had never gone into the sexual fantasies, really off the deep end, I'd never became what I was. I just went from one fantasy to bigger, bigger, bigger.”
- “I got this fantasy. I started working out this fantasy in my mind. Once that person became a fantasy, I could loop it over. I would lay in bed at night thinking about this person, the event and how it's going to happen. It became like a picture show. I want to produce it, direct it and go through with it no matter the cost or consequences. It was going to happen one way or another. Maybe not that day, but it was going to happen.”
- “I can't stop it...it controls me, you know, its like in the drivers seat. That's probably the reason we're sitting here. You know, if I could just say, 'No, I don't want to do this, and go crawl into a hole!' But its driving me.”
- “I don't think it was actually the person that I was after, I think it was the dream. I know thats not really nice to say about a person, but they were basically an object. They were just an object. That's all they were. I had more satisfaction building up to it and afterwards than I did the actual killing of the person.”
- On Factor X – (Rader claimed he had a “Factor X” that made him want to kill). “Factor X is probably something I'll never know. I actually think it maybe possessed with demons. Uh, I was dropped on my head when I was a kid...”
- “In my dreams, I had what they called torture chambers. And to relieve your sexual fantasies you have to go to the kill.”
- “I can't stop it so the monster goes on, and hurt me as well as society. Society can be thankful that there are ways for people like me to relieve myself at time by day dreams of some victims being torture and being mine. It a big complicated game my friend of the monster play putting victims number down, follow them, checking on them, waiting in the dark, waiting, waiting...the pressure is great and sometimes he run the game to his liking. Maybe you can stop him. I can't. He has already chosen his next victims. I don't know who they are yet. The next day after I read the paper, I will know, but it will be to late. Good luck hunting.
Yours Truly Guiltily
P.S. Since sex criminals do not change their M.O. Or by nature cannot
do so. I will not change mine. The code word for me will be...Bind
them, torture them, BTK, you see he at it again. They will be the next
DENNIS RADER THE “CHRISTIAN PEDOPHILE” AND SERIAL KILLER?
Dennis Lynn Rader – BTK, 59, served as president of Christ Lutheran Church in Park City, a Wichita suburb. After his arrest Church Pastor Michael Clark is quoted as saying, “It was confusing it did not make any sense.” Dennis Rader prayed, sang hymns, and carried out other duties as a loyal member of the church. A week before his arrest he had served as an usher collecting the offering. He was a former boy scout leader, father of two and husband to Paula Dietz for 34 years.
Paul Carlstedt, who Rader replaced as the congregation board president in January 2005, claims he thought of Rader as “a very good person.” Carlstedt is quoted as stating, “I can't believe what they are saying is the Dennis Rader I've known for 30 years.” According to Carlstedt just days before his arrest, Rader brought spaghetti sauce and salad to a church supper, knowing he was unable to attend himself.
The Kansas City Star news reported (Feb. 28,2005): “Rader could be called on to mow a member's lawn or help with an event. He frequently bragged about his two grown children who live out of state, and he appeared to be a great husband. When church member Bob Smyser moved out of state for a few years, Rader checked on his mother for him.
'He was just a really caring person,' Smyser said Sunday, just before the 10:45 am service, where he frequently served as an usher alongside Rader. Since Friday, Smyser has had to face the description of Rader that authorities give: a serial killer who thirsted for notoriety.” Dennis Rader lived a life as a double minded man (James 1:8).
“I KNOW IT IS A DARK SIDE THAT CONTROLS ME”
Radar told Kake -abc 10, reporter Larry Hatteburg, “I know it is a dark side that controls me. I personally think, and I know it's not very Christian, that its demons within me, at some point when I was young that controlled me.” Thursday, July 7, 2005, Larry Hatteburg reports Rader as stating, “You know, how could a guy like me, a church member with a family go and do those sorts of things. The only thing I can figure out is that I've compartmentalized somewhere in my body where I can do those sorts of things and go back and live a normal life which is unbelievable that it has happened.”
Rader admitted in June, to killing 10 people between 1974 and 1991. One of his victims was 11 year old Josephine Otero. MSNBC (NBC News) reports after Rader killed Josephine's parents and brother he had a verbal exchange with his young victim Josephine who asks, “What's going to happen to me?” Rader replies, “Well honey, you're going to be in heaven with the rest of your family.” Rader than hanged the girl and masturbated on her body. On August 18, 2005, Judge Gregory Waller gave Dennis Rader 10 consecutive life sentences, 175 years without possible parole.
Bob Smyser, Rader's former fellow church usher, has had to explain it all to his children. The Kansas City Star reports that Smyser and his wife sat down with their two older children, ages 5 and 7, after the children had seen Rader's photograph on television.
Smyser is quoted as stating, “ My five year old son said ' That's the man who collects money with you in the plates,' Smyser responds, 'Yes, it is.' Smyser is said to have struggled with what to say next. 'I'm not sure what to tell him. I'm not sure what to tell myself.' His son spoke first.
Daddy, he tricked us, didn't he?'
'That's as simple as it gets,' Smyser said.”